12 July 2010

sorting out my fuckups

I just gave myself a really good nostalgic orgasm. Nostalgic? you say... wtf? Today instead of looking at or fantasizing about guys that look like this, I turned to memories and thoughts of Bex. Usually 'me' time is exactly that... Me time, so I often cut out thoughts of Bex. I know I'm not the only one who doesn't include their significant other in their fantasies, so stop giving me that judgmental look ;) .

Our relationship currently is small periods of not finding common ground or connecting, but I think that if I put enough effort into it, we can connect again. Everything lately seems like its dwindling out of my control. I've not wanted to deal with anything at all. What is there to deal with? Nothing much, I just get tired of dealing with drama that people spew, listening to people talk, having to give a damn and other things of the sort. I just wanna mellow out and disconnect from everyone sometimes. NO more though! I'm telling myself that in order to enjoy my life... god dammit, I have to be present and emotionally available.

Bex, Ash and I went to the gay club last night. As usual we had fun, drank too much and flirted/chatted with random people. I'm so envious of Ash because she is hyper promiscuous. She has boys texting her every 5 minutes. They send her pics of their cocks and they are all pretty decent looking guys. She's a very open, very sexual driven girl. She knows how to have a good time and isn't a punk bitch. I'm so jelly :O

I dunno who said it before, but I need to start instituting that saying: "Be the change you want to see in the world" I hope to be strong enough to do it :) Oh and about the pictures from the last post... I was bursting to do something different, risky and naughty... mission accomplished I think. ttyl guys :D

1 comment:

  1. missiom so not accomplished. i am still waiting for an email from you. :P