01 August 2010

busy busy busy

Today is my only day off. I'm working tomorrow thru thursday because I'm filling in for someone who was removed from my work because they had a panic attack. (Anyone see the irony in stressing me out, to cover for someone doing the same thing?) I'm spending the night with Bex and hopefully we'll enjoy the night. Bex has been distant all day. Distant and unreceptive and it's making me sad, maybe we'll talk about it and work through what ever is on her mind.

I'm not sure what 'therapy' will do for me. I'm expecting to better learn about the origin of my desires, (maybe this is the negative side of me saying this) but I don't think that I'll ever be able to turn off my desires or lessen them. I don't even think that I'm looking to lessen them as much as I am looking for an outlet for my frustrations. I find it difficult to feel the way I feel, but I'm glad to know that I'm not alone! Because I'm not! In my support group, there are many guys who are married, bisexual and whether or not they are getting some action on the side, they are/feel the way that I am/do. I'm glad about that, at least.

I can't imagine how Bex or those wives feel. It's not happening to me, so I can only empathize about it. I just want to not hurt her feelings and stop breaking her heart. I feel like I've ruined our relationship and I don't know how to fix it. I don't know what I'm supposed to do or say to make things ok again. I think that WE need some therapy, because all though it's my problem, it's our problem bc if she decides to stay (and I hope she does) she's gonna need help loving me again.

On a much hornier note... I've been staying away from porn. Pretty much anything that has to do with sex, it's just a turn off for me right now. Ahem... except I keep looking at this picture (NSFW) from Varsity Male. Wow... can you imagine how that looks in underwear? Do they make underwear to fit that thing?!

Ok I promise to bounce back and be the horny bastard that I usually am. I just need this next week to pass by fast. Work work work... and I need some play time too... so I hope this week flies by.

1 comment:

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