18 September 2010

exasperated in boystown

So two nights ago we had a really great time in bed. Bex and I were winding down already trying to sleep in bed. I got the sudden urge to fondle her and when I did, she didn't push me away. Jackpot! I started feeling her up and doing the things that I do to initiate sex and to my fortune it did end up with me getting laid! She was under the influence of tylenol PM so I don't know if that made her especially willing or made it feel really good because I have scratches all down my back. I had never heard her moan so much in ecstasy before and as she tells me last night... I gave her the #1 orgasm ever! She likes to rate her orgasms to prior ones and this one takes the cake.

After she read my last blog, we had a conversation in the bathroom as she showered. I got really upset over how much this is a part of my life and how tired I am of dealing with all these issues. She asked if I ever just want it to be just what it is.. me and her. I told her yes, but as I explained: "I would love it to be just you and me and that would be just fine... but there is this void, this gapping need for everything else. Besides that gapping emotional void I feel like a physical debt (sexually) that I haven't been pleasured enough... (if that makes any sense) I don't know what this has to do with but I feel like a deep urge inside."

I don't like being in this gray area of not knowing what it is that I want to have happen. I don't want to be 30 or 40 and be like... yeah... I def need to have sex with men in order to be happy. By that time my youth will be gone, and I'd prob end up ruining my life and my marriage. I feel like I'm stuck in between a rock and a horny place. Bex says that she wants to have 'normal couple issues' and I thought to myself, would we really have issues if this wasn't an issue? I don't know.

Oh and we talked about how in the 'sex movie' the bisexual character's main problem was that she wanted to be loved by everyone... how it related to me and my need to be 'loved' by everyone. I know that I LOVE that song by the cardigans and it's like my national anthem... but I didn't think that I would be seeing that on screen. I don't think that all bisexuals have this need or that it makes you bi, but... i dunno. I love the thought of having a bf and gf... the thought of millions of fans and so on and so forth.

Ok... I'm just ranting right now. apparent by the 4 paragraphs of mush... so I'll get going.
sincerely exasperated in boystown

1 comment:

  1. Bobby -- you da man! Best O ever, you must be doing something right. Keep it up!