17 September 2010

sex talk

Last night Bex and I watched 'The Sex movie' (linked to imdb). It was a very badly acted good movie, if that makes any sense at all. I enjoyed watching it and if you could get over the fact that it sounds like a stage rehearsal, you may enjoy it too. It raises some good questions and you get to see that at least in these characters worlds that it's all not black and white. It got Bex and us to start a dialogue (yet again) about sexuality, cheating and infidelity.

Bex asked me if I would consider it cheating if she made out with a girl in front of me. (I knew this was coming :P) I said no, and she rephrased the question including if it was a guy she made out with. I said no again. She is always astounded when I tell her that it wouldn't be the end of me if either of those things occurred. I would definitely be jealous and it would drive me crazy and turn me on, but not enough to not allow it. She told me that when I was dancing with another girl, the last time I went to scandals... that she almost lost it with jealousy. Looks like Bex is running hypotheticals through her mind... :D

She asked me if I have just built up gay sex in my mind and once I do experience it, that I wont care any more. It may be a possibility but I wouldn't count on it. I know what I find attractive and I'm not sure that I'm building it up to be anything more. I could be wrong, seeing as how I have a yearly pass to fantasyland. All I know is that I want all those naughty things that I can't get with a girl, with a guy. Bex has this notion that if she lets me test the waters with guys... that I'll end up on the other side, batting only for the other team. It's a horrible situation don't you think? She's been getting a lot of extra attention from other boys so I think that maybe she's seeing some possibilities in the future??? prob not

The thought of sharing Bex is invigoratingly interesting. I know that earlier in our relationship I used to go insane when she was around guys our age that she knew and were interested in her. The jealousy monster definitely reared its head and I handled it horribly. I'm more open, intelligent and level headed now (atleast I'd like to think so) then I was back then.

We will see friends. ;) I'll ttyl


  1. Bobby - it's good that you are honestly discussing your feelings now. I've read a couple of bi blogs (check out biguyslikeme.blogspot.com) where the idea of "getting it out of your system" experimentation with guys is discussed and like you I don't think your desires to be with guys will just end once you have tried it out. Now, you may find the fantasy of it is not matched by the reality the first few times, but this desire in you, it's part of your nature, and it's healthy that you accept it. I see bi guys struggling so much just accepting themselves, you already have got the first steps right.

  2. I agree with Bex. I think if you do get an opportunity that you may want to go there full time. It is a huge risk and she has to wonder if that risk is worth taking. Do you risk your love for that 'opportunity'? And if you did then was the relationship you two had real or just a way to by time to ultimate fulfill your true self.

  3. I think some of my problems with Bex is that she can at times be too much woman for me to handle. I think some of our problems go deeper than sexuality but I'm not willing to talk about it. I dunno. I think that there is another blog post to talk about some of this stuff... in the future.