29 October 2010

sex photos and toys

After everything is said and done, I find that we are still soul mates. A few days has past since the mini drama that was 'the incident'. Since then I've had work days, sleepless days and plenty of cake and sweets. Through the course of all of this I've managed to calm myself and be ok with the events that happened. I over-under reacted to the entire thing. I over reacted in my mind and under reacted on the outside. I wanted to handle it the best way that I could and for the most part I believe that I did. Bex and I are in good standing and I've come to realize a little bit more how easily she too could move on to wanting to be with other people. She doesn't right now, but she too has needs that I at times cannot fulfill.

Today we went out for a nice romantic dinner as it is the only night that I will have off. I'm tired, exhausted and jaded, but not enough to not enjoy the company of my gorgeous Bex. I was think about it on the ride home from the restaurant and I still believe to this day that we are soul mates. Actually I never did think of us in that light, but through all our bull crap and the things that life throws at us... I'm seeing exactly how well we work together as a couple. Many of our friends have horrible relationships and have personal problems that cause them grief, pain and misery and suddenly ours seem more fleeting and manageable. We will still have our issues and still be at odds about me being bisexual, but there is a love and friendship between us that I love and appreciate.

This morning I tweeted:
❝bobbyderrekson Bobby Derrekson
Would I know what to do with him if I walked in and found him in my bed? http://bit.ly/9wxsiX would you?❞ and accidentally left the browser open so Bex read it. She was mad at me and apparently still gets very insecure and saddened when I say things like that. We had a little bit of an argument but I believe that we both realized how stupid the argument was. I took very big measures to tone down how 'gay' I can be around her and made sure not to point out men I find sexually attractive. I'll have to make sure that I keep up on making her feel like the only girl in the world... she'll have to work on feeling safe about me having those feelings and keeping them at bay. We will find a nice balance.

Currently I'm enjoying chilling with Mr.V whom I can express my gay interests and admirations with. That's not all we talk about, but it's nice to have someone to share it with, without being afraid that it will make him feel insecure. I'm hoping to go to the movies with Mr.V soon too... I found a theater near by that serves alcohol and has cheap movie tickets.

I decided that with any of the ad revenue I do make from this blog (which isn't a lot but I'm not in it for the $$) that I'm going to buy a fleshjack. I never thought that they looked like fun, but... I was on their website today and I just couldn't resist watching the demo videos. I'm still confused on whether or not they work really well or not, but I'm sure I'll find somebody thats used one before and ask them for their opinion. I want to start studying photography so I'll raid the library or look up on the internet how to learn photography. I love sites like Varsity male and other sites of nude photography... but I also love urban decay and photos of city life. I'm into graffiti and nature so I live in a really good area for all that stuff. I'm hoping that by spending time with friends, living life and doing something that interests me, that I can guide myself to a better understanding of who I am and what I want to gain from life.

Also I lost another 5lbs and and my stomach is starting to look more flat than it was before. If I can look like this... you better believe that my vanity and photography will mix for your enjoyment. I gotta go and peek into the shower as my girl is in there getting all fresh and clean.... we went shopping today so that means that she's already wet and waiting ;) ttyl boys and girls ♥♥ much love.

4 comments:

  1. you have such an exciting life.. i want to move in

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  2. Bobby: I'm glad things cooled down and you had your discussion to come to some understanding. I'm sure the make up sex is a nice consolation prize to all this drama.

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  3. maybe that's why my life is soo filled with drama, the makeup sex :) We actually had sex twice yesterday, yay me! Oh and Bex told me that she could feel my muscles flex last time that I was screwing her ;) just thought i'd share that with ya fan of casey.

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  4. Bobby: Your teasing is really making me envious! I'm sure she can feel your "love muscle" flexing. LOL!

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