13 October 2010

toss and turn

I'm running on two hours of sleep. I awoke up wide awake and telling myself that I really really need to go back to sleep. It's been a couple of hours now so I moved my moaning and groaning to the living room as to not disturb Bex's sleep any more. I love her so much and I miss her. When we went to sleep I was kind of pissy because we didn't get to drink or have sex. Moody anyone?

I don't want to be a drama queen anymore. I thought that I was just a cool calm and collected guy but lately I've over dramatized everything. You should have seen me get all doomsday because I didn't want to drive thru at McDonalds. OMG it's the end of the world! Wtf is that about? Ok, for now it's time to unlearn this behavior. I tweeted ❝Drama free Bobby D...❞ earlier tonight... so I plan to keep my promise. I'm striving to just be a cool bro, just chill... something Jason Mraz-ie like.

I miss Bex a ton. She's in the other room but I feel that we're miles away. I've drawn myself away from her the last couple of months because of all this mess. It's a delicate tightrope that I walk. I don't want to hurt her feelings, don't want her to hurt mine and don't want either of us to compromise each other. I think that in the end that I want to make us work out. I also need to make myself whole or the problems that I struggle with will consume me. Gahd I love that chick. She's the greatest woman I've ever had the pleasure of meeting.

You guys... I like cock way too much. It turns me on like no other body part out there. Boobs are great, they are awesome! I get a rush from looking at a cock. A fellow emailer told me that he thinks my fascination with men is phallic oriented and I can't deny it. Bex gets insecure when I get horned up and high off cock and male stuff, but don't worry honey, I don't wish you had a cock. I love you lady parts. ♥♥

I had some beer last night. One whole beer and today I'm feeling good, tired but good. Not depressed, not panicky... feeling level headed. Some days of hard work in front of me will do me some good and maybe then I will appreciate my time off, even if I'm just laying on the couch with my girl. She's so sweet ;) Shit I'm doing it again. lol. I'm gonna get going before I start in on how adorable she's been the past couple of days.


1 comment:

  1. Bobby: It may not seem like you have made much progress these last few months, but you have. You've gone from being impulsive to more thoughtful of your own actions and how your wife is part of the solution. It's been a struggle but you've learned from the experience. Perhaps you need to try being with a guy once, just to get it out of your system. Maybe the fantasy of it may not match the reality, then you can really appreciate what you already have. On the other hand, you might like it so much, you end up being a cock hound.