24 October 2010

venting

I'm venting away... so feel free to skip this one :)

I just had a giant piece of cake. At the moment, I'm in need of some happy. I'm also looking at porn so I think that I'm just grasping for whatever straws (or poles) that I can. I just got off work and I'm spiritually exhausted! I don't know whether to rock in the fetal position or jump in front of a car. (lol on that last image.) The last two days at work have been ROUGH and my stress levels have been through the roof. At one point I thought my chest was getting tight and I couldn't breath. Luckily for me Bex was a phone call away and venting was enough to get me through the night. The sound of her voice calms me down and I realize after my phone call that everything is ok.

I don't know how to feel right now other then tired. I go through this range of emotions from rage to sadness to hopelessness and then back to the beginning. Ever since work started being as retarded as it is, I haven't had much time at all to think about all my bisexual issues. I haven't even had the time to jack off let alone form some fantasy image of who I'm screwing. Yumm... and I'd like to be screwing someone... It's been too long.

I realize sometimes that I hate certain things in my life. Just a second ago I was naming off a list of things I hate, I hate my job, my car, my apartment, my relationship with my family, my bisexual needs hate hate hate. I think the thing that I 'hate' the most is that I've become a hateful person. I don't always remember being this person who just hates. At times I look at who I am now and see the good but I also see how perverted I have become. Perverted in the sense of mangled and distorted. I was meant for so much more that what I am and what I do now... but I can't seem to break free of myself and my job and my need for... well money.

I want to be able to say... I love my life, I love my job, my life, my car, my relationships... so on and so forth. I have some soul searching to do... and some purging because this was too much chocolate cake. lol. (jk.. I don't purge... but I will stop stress eating.)

Well boys and girls... I've got to go to sleep. I leave you with this... I'm sorry for venting like this and I would like to apologize for leaving you on the back burner. I hope that you are all well and here's a nudie shot of me.

ok just kidding... that wasn't me but it was a nice picture. Here's a pretty girl... just to even it out. TTFN!

2 comments:

  1. Bobby: Chocolate cake and a fake butt shot of you -- Yum! Hate is a really strong word so I'm thinking it's all the stress talking and that yeah, sometimes you just need to vent. So go ahead, don't hold it in. Now that you feel better (cake really makes a difference!), it's really up to you to channel some of that negative energy into actions that makes things better. And don't shoulder all this yourself, you've got your wife to help you. Many of the things you cite your unhappiness with, well, they can be just transitional in nature, stepping stones to larger goals you want to achieve so don't lose sight of the bigger picture. You'll feel better about yourself when you get some down time.

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