03 November 2010

it's kind of long- (that's what she said!)

Finally some time off! I have two days to myself and I completely plan on enjoying them. No thinking today about my boss, his ridiculous demands and def no stressing out. I woke up today with rock hard morning wood, so I took it as a sign for the good times up ahead. Bex already promised me a good time later tonight so I'll keep her to her promise.

I've been happy for a change lately and I believe that I've matured ever so slightly. I think that much of my unrest was feeling that space between Bex and I and just feeling... nothing between us. I purposely put space between the two of us because for the longest time (I have to admit) that I wasn't sure if I was gay or not. I clung to the notion of being bi but ultimately wondered if the strong urges and desires meant that I was gay and fooling myself. At one point just before everything went south and our relationship started going on the rocks, I was purposely going out of my way to be more and more on that side of me. I contemplated straying and everything it would entail. I didn't stray and have since retreated from camp gay☺.

Why you may ask? I got caught up in that world that I created in my mind where I would only be happy if I had a cock in my ass. I started to do things that would ruin my relationship. Life and work became really rough and in all the shit I found that Bex was there. I have found that I genuinely love Bex, I love spending time with her and I fucking LOVE screwing her! I can say 'I want to spend the rest of my life with you' and be able to actually say it without hesitation. If love has its seasons... well it's not winter anymore.

Where does that leave men? I'm not sure. I'm still bi and still going to crave some cock every once in a while. Yes I'm still interested in men but I'm not being consumed by the thought of not being with one. Sure it will fluctuate and I'm sure that at times I'll be crazy... but for now I just want to focus on me and spend time with Bex. I need to get in touch with me, the real me.

-ok change in subject. Change places!-

I reflect a lot about how I appear to the world and at work I def come off as straight... for the most part. I like to keep my personality on the borderline... kind of the straight guy who you know would totally take it in the ass like a champ. Why? Bc it's easier than being a little more femme and explaining that I have a wife. I def like to play on the lines of sexual orientation so I can't be so easily placed.

So I'm not sure about actually doing it, (bc sometimes I'm all talk and no action.) but I've been obsessed with the idea of buying a fleshjack and videoing me using it. Like I said...(all talk no action) but I figure it would be fun to expose myself in that way. Speaking of which, I really need to go work out... It's been weeks since I've actually picked up some weights so I think that I just may do that. Here's to getting sweaty and tight. I'll tty boys and girls later. ❤❤

B♂bby

4 comments:

  1. Bobby: I'm glad you are more settled and at peace with your decision to concentrate on life with Bex; that's good for your mind and spirit. But as a gay guy myself, I'm disappointed -- I was looking forward to all those new experiences and discoveries for you. Now who am I going to gossip with about cute guys? ;-)

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  2. lol, you can still gossip with me. There are plenty of adventures in my future (not that I'm planning any) but you never know ;) I'm still half gay you know :P so don't lose hope on me now.

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  3. Bobby: Oh I'm just teasing you. I sure would like to see you humping your fleshjack while also riding your dildo/vibrator. Here's a wild idea for you, have you ever considered asking your wife to peg you? You know, get her a strap on and let her poke you for a change. Not exactly the same as with a guy but you still get to take in the butt like a champ.

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  4. I had contemplated it before and always was like 'umm noo' bc I would be giving up whatever little control I have. In the bedroom... I am an alpha male, outside the bedroom I'm more submissive... but after tonights developments... I just may buy that strap on. I'll blog later about what happened. Oh fan of casey... :)

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