04 November 2010

Wednesdays= wtf!?

Yesterday was an utter disaster! We got out of the house because we didn't want to be in the apt bored... I found myself in a parking lot just sitting. We sat maybe 10-15 minutes without saying anything, both annoyed and bored. I didn't understand why Bex was annoyed but I came to find out later.

We decided to walk around the mall for a bit and went to a steakhouse for a nice dinner. Dinner in itself was nice but it was almost the highlight of my night. We came home and I assumed that we would watch some tv and later on we would have sex, unfortunately neither happened... well neither happened very well. Bex got hyper buzzed on a gallon of wine and we started to have one of those 'talks' again. She confessed to me that during the 'incident' with Joe that she had done more than she originally stated. Apparently she pet his cock a couple of times over his jeans. Again... shocked into silence... angry on the inside. She felt like shit and I'm glad she did but what pissed me off was her attitude towards me and how I shouldn't be pissed at her.

If the shoe was on the other foot boys and girls... I would have been murdered and slapped with divorce papers. Of course I was PISSED! Not because of the heavy petting but because she kept it from me and then stated how she's learned by my behavior to keep things like that to herself. WTF Bex... I've been 100% honest every fucking step of the way.... *calm down... ok... It doesn't help that she stated that she wanted to fuck him... It doesn't help that he's more her type of guy than I am... but wtf. It reopened the wounds that I had so gracefully closed the week before. I'm still a little bit peeved but I know that it'll pass... right now... I just want to go the fuck to sleep and deal with it tomorrow.

The icing on top was when I took my shower and laid in bed with the laptop. She had finished a conversation with her friend and came into the room... stumbling, buzzed and pulling my pants down. After 30 minutes of foreplay and me going down on her... I was just not in the mood. It wasn't going to happen and how could she expect it to? Then I felt like shit because I couldn't get it up for her. FUCK. ok.

F this relationship. Time and time again she states that all she wants is me... but I shudder to think that if I tell myself that and remain loyal... that it'll be the same thing over and over. Oh and I forgot to mention something else... her girl friend that she hung out with... Bex has seen her naked. Completely naked and Bex enjoyed seeing her naked too. 'If I was drunk I would have jumped in the shower with her' Bex stated. Interesting for a girl who considers herself straight. The whole situation is driving me crazy because I'm mad and turned on and pissed off. Wednesdays are for wtf... omg like you don't even know.

Both of us were too young when we married. I feel like such an idiot up to this point. It's 7am and all I want to do is work out... but I've gotten 0 sleep. Boys and girls... I'm restless.

B♂bby

3 comments:

  1. Bobby: OMG! This is a lot for you to process all at once I feel for you buddy, I really do. At times like this when you are hurt and confused, it's best to take a time out to let your emotions settle a bit. You have a right to be angry, go to the gym and take out your frustrations that way. When you are hurting, it's not good to bottle up your emotions, cry if you have to, just to vent. Talk with Mr. V just to get some human contact. Then when you are more composed, you need to have a talk, a sober talk, with Bex to air your concerns and hers, and how you can rebuild your trust with one another. A bad habit is developing, better to nip it in the bud.

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  2. Although it is very likely that the anger and frustration you express in this post has peaked and crested, I'm going to go out on a limb anyway.

    You both have demons that must be faced head on if they are to be exorcised. HEAD ON.

    When you both feel as ready as you can, take a deep breath, tell each other how much you love one another, then break every rule you've made, repeatedly, until they are meaningless.

    Fuck whoever you want, wherever you want, whenever you want. Bex is going to do whatever she wants.

    The consequences will probably be ugly. Maybe REALLY ugly. But when the jealousies fade and the anger turns to sadness, the fog will lift. Expect months, not days.

    With clear minds you'll either be able to honestly commit to each other, or, you'll know that you are destined for different paths.

    This is the quick and kind path.

    The slow, cruel path is the road you've already begun.

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  3. Bobby: How are you doing? Maybe you need something lighthearted to lessen the stress, like a song - this has the lyrics so you can sing along.

    www.youtube.com/watch?v=chJgaksG4sg

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