22 March 2011

The big d

I took another night off from work. I didn't get enough rest although I did have a semi pleasant afternoon. I sat in the sun out on our sun room and painted a bit. I'm trying to tan up a little so when the pool opens I'm not so blinding. I also got my work out on, but it seems that working out and art isn't going to pick up my mood.

This is probably the worst time to blog since I'm on the edge of grabbing a couple of beers and having a charlie sheen rant/melt down. I'm somewhere between pissed, heartbroken, overloaded and underwhelmed. My attitude I'm sorry but it ain't 'winning'. This post is my umbrella to an suv... My getting up on stage  interrupting taylor swift kanye moment.

Aye yi yi (how the f do you spell that?)  Why did I ever let things get like this? I hate being this doom and gloom but today I just don't feel like picking my self up this time. I've been thinking very seriously about divorce. What divorce means, where I would live, what I would do and what I would say to my friends, family and coworkers. I'm not a happy boy and I'm either planing to make things better or close off from the world. I truly don't know what to do but let some more time pass and try to make do with what I've got and gotten myself into.

I keep getting asked why I'm so depressed considering that I have a wife and that straight side is fulfilled... Well that part of me isn't convinced that I want to stay married and I haven't felt in love for a while now. Ok enough with the bitch and moan fest...

Tomorrow will be a new day yada yada and i'll get over it. I just need my moment, thats all. I'm a child and just throwing a tantrum which I'm sure i'll be embarrassed about tomorrow. Good night world.


  1. Bobby: The negative impulses will pass, don't do anything rash until you are sure of what you want. It's always good to sleep on things, then reflect when you are less agitated.

    This has been suggested before by a number of readers -- consider getting some marriage counseling. It's not enough for just you to have therapy, your wife has to be an active participant to try to make things work.

    I hope you feel better in the morning.

  2. I too go through periods were i want to seperate, but life without my "boy" would not be great. You may need to get away just the two of you and relax. Go to Florida or SF and chill for s bit.