05 March 2011

Holla! I mean, hola.

Bonjour :D no, I'm not French but it's such a lovely way to say hello. I did take French for two years in high school though but unfortunately it didn't stick as well as I had hoped. It's 6AM and I'm in my bedroom in the dark, Bex is asleep and our house guest Ms. Ashley is in the living room passed out. We had yet another 'wine' night, which this time meant corona's, lime, and fajitas. I had the pleasure of spending my evening cooking for two beautiful girls, drinking beers and watching my life on the television screen. What?! I'll explain in a moment.



The past 'wine nights' we spent with Ms.Ashley catching up on our favorite show 'The United States of Tara'. If you don't know the show, Watch it... it's fantastic. Any who we are on season 2 disc 2 [SPOILER ALERT]. One of the characters was driving around a car that looked exactly like mine, color make and model. Without hesitation I said 'Oh where am I going?' (I generally do when I see a car driving along that looks just like mine.) Right after I finished my sentence I came to realize that it was Marshall who was driving. Bex and Ashley giggled at the notion that the gay character and I were the same person, and to top it... Marshall had a bf a blondie in the car. Ashely quickly added 'Where are you and Mr.V going?'. The comparison was funny and spot on but it's a little hard to describe bc it was very situational. I wanted to also mention the theme going on in Marshalls life with that girl who wants to be his beard as to not be alone... Gah! :) We all had a good laugh and it was great that Bex joked about that whole situation and took it light heartedly.

She's little by little coming to terms with who I really am. I'm not straight and she's learning to ease up a little on how she feels about my behavior. Sometimes I behave a little too gay? for her liking and I do scale it back for her, but she's working to not let those things bother her. I'm learning also that I need to just be, be me and force myself to love every inch of the wierd-artsy-vain-sexual-awkward-kind-funny guy that I am. Therapy has helped too bc my therapists makes me feel like a million bucks, which is great bc it's a good change from feeling like scum all the time.

Later today I have arranged a date with a boy. (I'm talking about myself.) With Mr.V out of the picture, I'm going to have to spend some more me time until I can find a real boy to hang out with. As I was saying, I have a date planned for today. I'm going to go to the book store, grab some Starbucks for 1 and finish my day off with browsing expensive gadgets that I can't afford. Fun in my book don't you think? I'll finish my night off with some self loving if Bex isn't up for it, although the way she's been stalking me around the apartment she may just tie me down. That girl has been all sorts of horny lately.

Speaking of therapy! With my sessions being weekly, I'm find that I'm progressing pretty well. I've been going to therapy for 5 weeks now and feel stronger than ever. Having that added support and understanding has helped me make some changes in my life, mood and the way I see things. I have had my bad days but they pale in comparison to the horrible times I've had in the past. I'm learning to balance my life and how to connect with myself even better.

One topic that we're focusing on right now and in our next session is my bisexuality. 'Now were getting somewhere' I thought during my last session. My therapist was talking about how in greek times, men were with men or with women and socially it was honorable to be with your male friend. (Or something like that). I'm not going to read too much into it either bc we're not living in greek times but I guess it was a reminder that I'm not the first to come up with the idea of bisexuality. My therapist seems to have a working understanding of what I'm trying to figure out and with time it'll become more clear to me exactly what I want and what I must do to change my life (for the better.) The last couple of sessions have been about making right now feel better, manageable... so far so good. A positive mood and hopeful outlook has made worlds of differences.

Ou, I'm going to take lots of pictures today! I'm so excited and I'm not going to stand myself up.
TTFN and Auf Wiedersehen - Oh shit that's German! Bi :)

2 comments:

  1. Bobby: I love US of Tara, especially Marshall. Maybe that should be your new nickname since you drive the same car? And your gals know you so well, going out with Mr. V.

    Therapy helps make you feel good about yourself and it's about time you stop kicking yourself so much. Just be as you said.

    Perhaps you will meet a cute guy at SB and start up a conversation with him. Coffee does seem to make people more sociable.

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  2. I <3 Marshall too. He's very adorable. Oh and SB today was fun, no cute boys :( but it's alright.

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