18 April 2011

Domination of Joe

Every time that I see him I get these overwhelming mixed feelings. The weekend that Bex was away I saw him at least three times and the day she got back, I ran into him again walking around. He's always walking around and I always see him when I'm in my car. Who am I talking about? I'm talking about Joe. If you don't remember who he is here's a refresher:

He's the guy that caught my wife's eye and semi-cheated on me with. Semi cheated because they didn't have sex but they did kiss and there was some fondling that happened. She ended up deciding that I was more important than some fling and didn't go through with it and decided to stop seeing him. (I mean... stop hanging out with him.) Any who all of this is in the past but his appearance now is in the present.

Now back to those mixed feelings that I get. At first when I thought that he had taken advantage of my wife and the situation, I was angry towards him. Still when I drive past him walking down the street (which he does often because he has no car.) I get the sudden urge to hit him with my car. Just barrel into him and break his face. I don't because I don't want to go to jail or kill the guy, after all... he was just being a 'guy' and just lusting after my wife. (Something that I should be doing, and I really kind of don't.) The other feeling that I get is... well a mindfuck. When I see him I also get horny. He's thin, muscular, tan (bc he's always walking around in the sun) and he's pretty good looking. He also lusted heavily over my wife, so for some reason I get this urge to well... bend him over. It's sooo fucking weird but I feel like I must assert my dominance, but over him?! You would think that his mad boner for my wife would make me want to screw my wife and show her who's boss but I get the opposite effect. Oh I'd do some damage.

My mind is crazy. I'm going to keep my cock and my vehicle to myself, that's for sure. It's been killing me because I wanted to write this down and release it from my mind. I can't bring his name up because it just fills Bex up with shame and I'm not trying to bring any old emotions up or rub anything in her face. One thing that bothers me is that she refuses to talk about it (bc of the aforementioned shame) but I want to know more about how she felt during the whole thing. She can't deny that she felt feelings towards him and I can't look over the fact that the two of them had chemistry. It scares the crap out of me when I think about it because of course she'll have more chemistry with a straight guy. I don't like thinking about it but I don't think Bex and I have chemistry or if we did, it's not there anymore. I think that the chemistry between the two of them overwhelmed her for a bit (at least she said something like that).

I dunno. I'm in a terrible mood. I got off of work early but I still have 60 more hours of work to go. There's some sexual connection between the two of us that isn't there or something. Something isn't right and my therapist has been diving into why exactly.  It's always good to hear the words progress and breakthrough... that felt good my last appointment. (I also made her jump out of her chair and scramble for a piece of paper to scribble something on after I said something that interested her.) (I cant stop replaying that in my mind, but I have to keep what I said to myself... at least for now.)

Ok I have to admit, this post is a weird rambling of sorts. I've been up for 19 or so hours and I just got off of work so, I'm shot. I should have a beer and go to bed but Id rather save my beer for the day that I have off... in a week. I'll post a good one soon, but for now I just wanted to release some dirty thoughts and some not so nice ones. I'll ttyl guys. Good morning everyone.


  1. Bobby: Oh boy, this came out of left field. Yeah, you show Joe who is the boss -- obviously it's you cause you got a ride and he doesn't. I kind of think that whole episode was a wake up call for both you and your wife -- and you both decided staying together was for the best, so you "won" that round. It was Bex's way of acting out when she felt not appreciated.

    Now please suppress the idea of ramming him with your car (you can mentally ram him all you want though!) because you won't get internet access in the slammer so I won't be able to contact you.

  2. Lol omg ;) FoC you're right and thats too funny XD

  3. Get some sleep. With Bex. And all this will be better. She deserves credit for putting and end to the fling with Joe before it went over the cliff. If she can control her hormones to that extent, certainly you can as well.