30 April 2011

Vanity is my middle name

So in the past I've been called Vain. Bex, Mr. Aussie and Mr. V have all been quick to point out my vanity and I guess they're kind of right. If there's one person right now that I'm in love with right now, it's me. Sounds like I'm completely full of shit and most of the time I am... I'm just admitting it once and for all... Yes... I'm vain.

Partly it's because I figure that yes I do look somewhat decent and the second from growing up being told that I was second best... constantly. I was always in the friend zone with girls, always told by my mother that I didn't have attractive qualities and well... the few guys that did approach me... scared the shit out of me with their aggressiveness. Has anyone heard this song? (Vanity by Christina Aguilera)




It's an awesome song and supposedly Bex says it's my song.
So I lied to myself (but when am I not doing that?) I didn't go out to the park. I figure that it's going to be crowded by families enjoying the day. I don't really want to be bothered by kids on a day that I feel soo good. I think that I will drag my ass out of the apartment and write for a while. I've missed it and evidently I can find myself, my fears and realities in my fictional musings.

So I downed a bottle of White Zin last night. My plans originally but just for PR sake I'm going to say that I had only planned to drink a glass. I woke up early as usual when I drink, I can only sleep for 4 hours max. I feel great though, and my body is definitely feeling tighter already. I started Thursday lifting weights and yesterday I did cardio. Later on today I will do more cardio and go back to lifting tomorrow. I'm going to custom order or make me a shirt that says 'VARSITY MALE' when I feel that I've earned the title.

*on a more serious note*

I've come to some sort of conclusion. My marriage as it is isn't working for me. It's not working for Bex either as I can sense depression creeping up on her. We're both not happy and it's not just because of my bisexuality and my fucked mind either. When she comes back I will again pick up my tools and being trying to repair and renew our relationship. We both need something new and not necessarily try to take things back to the way they once were, back when I was faithful and in the closet.

Life is too short to not be living the life that you're meant to live, so I continue on my journey. Thoughts from this Saturday morning. XOXO Bobby.

2 comments:

  1. Bobby: You and Bex just started marriage counseling, you need to give that some time to work. As long as she is engaged and trying too with the counselor, you should not give up so quickly. At the same time, if her heart (or yours is not in it), you both need to be forthright and not drag each other down. Not knowing whether you or her have family close by, would a trial separation be the next step? Like the cliche saying goes, some times you have to lose a thing before you really appreciate what you got.

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  2. FoC, I wish we were going to counseling. She agreed to it, but she's traveling and isn't going to go until after she returns and finds a job. She agreed so hopefully we can finally start walking together towards something. I hope her hearts in it and not just agreeing because I said it was necessary. I Have my fingers crossed.

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