Finally a moment to say Hi! This entire week has been a whirlwind of appointments, work, work outs… this, that and another thing. Finally a moment for me and I’m damn sure not letting it escape me.
I woke up a minute ago after being asleep for three hours, to no surprise I couldn’t sleep. I’m wide awake at the moment and as soon as I wind down again, I’ll lay down next to Bex and fall asleep. We had quite the talk last night about unresolved dreams, finances and emotional support.
Bex has been having the hardest time find a job noting our current constraints to work hours and transportation. Our constraints added to no one hiring in our area leaves her feeling useless and helpless. I had stressed to her previously about my need for her to help us out financially and my need for her to be a lot more independent from me and our one income financial issues. Needless to say that this difficulty is leaving her disappointed, saddened and unsure about how I’m taking it. I of course understand how difficult it is because I helped on the job search myself and have been there every step of the way. I love her, I’ll be patient and I know that in time she will make her move.
For the longest time I’ve needed Bex to do something with her end of our lives together. It seems that when we got together, engaged and married… she stopped moving forward. She only found part time work (which mostly inconvenienced me because of sleep and driving her around.) and didn’t want for anything else but… to work. I don’t mind if she decides to not work, but please… do something with your life. Blog, go to school, exercise, audition for plays… something. It looks as if she’s received the message now and she’s on her way to doing something. I always felt guilty about her inactivity, as if I was keeping her at home, ripped from the life she was supposed to have.
My sweetheart broke down last night because things in life are just becoming too much for her. It made me sad because I know that I’m right there adding to her pile of crap to deal with. I could only offer her a big ass hug last night and whatever comfort my words could bring. I hope that I brought it home when I said that I would stand by her side no matter what she decided to do about school or work.
I’m working less than I used to, but somehow seem to have waaay less time on my hands. Before I used to work five 12 hour shifts a week… that’s about sixty hours on average. I’m now working four 10 hour shifts, 40 hours. Mix that with my couples therapy, personal therapy, hair appointments and gym visits… ugh… my favorite thing to do: blog… is getting increasingly difficult to do. It doesn’t help that my 40 hour work weeks are one day after the other after the other. I’m not complaining, I’m thankful to have a job… I just need to manage my time better, I guess.
I’m super excited! These are the things that I’ve wanted to blog about. First thing… Mr. V my Floridian buddy that I write about so much, he’s picked up a very bad habit. No I’m just kidding, he’s started blogging. He’s attempted it in the past but I think that he’ll stick to it. If you’re interested in seeing what my Mr.V is up to… check out Mr. V does Florida. He even wrote a little post about how him and I met, this time from the point of view of someone who isn’t going gaga for V shaped pieces of ass.
Second, I’m working on a project! Amongst my millions of other projects, this one involves this blog and my continued effort to document every moment of my existence. It’s not a Davey Wavey reality tv show, but it’ll be my contribution to Bisexual men out there. I’m not naming specifics for the time being, I’m not ready… but I’ll be working with some blog buddies and friends of mine. I’m apeshit excited!
OH! Couples counseling! I completely forgot… I’m going to have to keep post it notes for myself about my blog topics. Bex saw the couples councilor last Friday. She had a pleasant experience but it’s obvious to the both of us that this is going to be extremely difficult for her. I saw our councilor this last Monday (solo). I had an awesome time getting to meet her and explaining my views of the situation. I feel confident about finding some sort of space to communicate and hopefully… grow together again. Bex and I are not on the same page and haven’t been in months if not years… so hopefully… this will help and in time I can rekindle that passion that was there before.
I've had many days of being level headed. Not so much of the back and forth, overwhelming joy and depression, I like to think because I’m working on the funk depression that I’m in. Things are starting to change and I’m working it harder than when I work my rubber boyfriend… trying to land on my feet and run towards a happier existence.
Speaking of running… I’ve been going to the gym again. It’s become one of my favorite ways to put some distance between Bex and I. I’ve felt tighter (the only way that I know to describe it.) leaner and excited about my own body!
Oh guys, I’m going to go and run… run at the gym and continue to run towards being a more balanced, happier bi guy. Thanks for being patient in between posts, I really appreciate your comments and readership. There are more good times and interesting stories ahead, so stay tuned. Au revoir for now!